My church was having a prayer vigil this weekend. Pastor Betsy asked me for prayer requests so I shared the names of my family who needed prayer at this time in their lives. I asked if I could participate at home since I knew we'd likely be snowed in for a few days. I selected a time Saturday morning and she emailed me the devotion and prayer list. Betsy challenged us to include Psalm 139: 23-24 in our prayers for a month.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
I've read this scripture many times in my life but I had never thought of it being a "dangerous" prayer as Besty shared from Craig Groschel, Pastor of LifeChurch. I find myself often praying "safe" prayers. I pray for healing of my loved ones, I pray for guidance, and I pray for our planet, just to mention a few. However, there are specific prayers that can be paradigm-changers. Asking God to "search me" is a scary request. Why do we foolishly think we can hide our thoughts from the Creator of all things? Yet, I know I am guilty of this practice, sometimes. "Search me" is an open invitation to the Lord to look in every part of my body and soul, right down to my DNA which has its own memory. He sees the darkness but loves me because I am His child. Yet, sometimes I'm not very loveable. I'm impatient, critical, and overwhelmed. How can I forget to give it all to God? He's there. He knows my heart and my thoughts but instead of leaving my worries in His open hands, I keep my fists clinched, literally. It's something I've done unconsciously for years. My fingers actually ache because I've spent so much energy holding on to my pain and frustration. I must become more aware of my body language--it speaks volumes about where I am spiritually at that moment.
We all have free choice. I can choose to try to solve my problems my own way. Or, I can listen to His wisdom, even though it is hard to hear, and let Him show me my sin that I don't see. In my awareness of requesting the Lord to "try" me, I am opening myself up to new challenges. Okay, I know I certainly have had more than my share of challenges but I've always felt God was pruning me so that I can grow. By praying this prayer, I am confessing my weaknesses and shortcomings. I am asking Him to help me change my path, the one that is well-worn and comfortable, to follow Him on a journey--not knowing where this new road will lead. Yes, Psalm 139:23-24 IS a dangerous prayer. I choose to live dangerously.
This is my Deaf to Reality Soul Collage card. I am one who sometimes doesn't listen to the truth because I don't like it. Check out my other Soul Collage cards My Soul Collage Cards .