It's been eleven months since I last wrote an entry on my blog. That speaks volumes about this past year for me. It has been a challenge mentally, physically, and spiritually. I began this blog to chronicle my journey with the Lord, yet, I've barely opened my Bible. I stopped going to my Bible Study class at White Stone Church of the Nazarene but I have continued to participate in the monthly prayer vigils. Those have been a blessing in so many different ways. I've been active in Trinity Episcopal Church, my husband's home church. Yet, I feel as if I've been marking time. Nothing has been the same since my brother, Bruce, passed away. I don't think I am blaming God for his death but I do need to get past this huge chasm in my heart to heal.
To compound my distance from God, I have spent an entire year trying to recover from my broken femur. It's been SO much worse than coming back after my knee replacement in 2018! Even though I continued my physical therapy, I am not even remotely near "recovery". Michael got me a new Fitbit to help me quantify my walking--that has helped immensely. Still, walking over 10,000 steps a day won't get me to the top of Old Rag this fall. Heck, I'd have trouble going up to Blackrock at Big Meadows Lodge and that's nothing!
Of course, losing weight is always a huge impediment in my ability to be as mobile as I want to be. I'm still doing Noom faithfully. My coach, Terre, suggested I work on strength training to build muscle and jump-start my metabolism. Because of this Covid 19 epidemic, the chair yoga class I loved isn't meeting. Hopefully, that will change soon. In the meantime, I'm going to find a program I can follow here at home that will allow me to stretch and strengthen my achy body. I had lost 23 pounds before Seth's wedding in September but ten of it is back. I will feel so much better when I finally get to a healthy weight.
Lastly, my mental health has suffered. I have never been clincally depressed but I have been situationally (is that a word?) depressed. In other words, things happen in my life that bring me down, temporarily. In all honesty, I have not been my usual cheery self this year and it's taken its toll. I am sad and I can't seem to snap out of it. So many things that I love to do have fallen by the way. My music, my art, my writing, long walks on the beach, and a multitude of others joys just haven't been on my "to do" list. I love working out in the yard planting plants and adding whimsical features.
Our garden is an expression of my faith--faith in the Lord, faith that the plants will thrive, and faith that the power of nature can breathe new life into my soul. I am more me outside than anywhere. My prescription for getting out of this funk is to be in the garden and talk with God. He's always there. He always listens and he wants me to be well. In this crazy world today of politics, riots, and apathy, I know I'm here for a reason. It's something beyond me--I've always known that. It's time I remembered who I am.
I love this quote I found by Lynn Culbreath Noel in my search for inspiration for the book I am writing. "The first river you paddle runs through the rest of your life. It bubbles up in pools and eddies to remind you who you are." It is my hope that the creation of Cattail Express can help me remember who I am.